On Amanda

Amanda Shinn has haunted this blog since it started. In many ways, bringing her up feels like I’m giving away the twist to my story. So many of my entries so far have dealt with loneliness and several still lie ahead. Amanda is the answer to the question of did things work out for me. They did. I’ve debated back and forth as to if and how I should write about this subject. I don’t wish to intrude on my life partner’s privacy but I want to celebrate her. Thus I’m going to proceed.

It’s funny. I’ve spent only 1/10 of my life not battling that demon loneliness but the last three years have erased that. Amanda is in my life a constant presence even when she is not physically there. I think about her constantly. When I am with her in person, it is as if I am a mind connected with its other part. That might sound sappy but it’s true. I am after all so sensitive to sensory input. I know Amanda.

Amanda and I met in 2011 over OKCupid. She messaged me, telling me she liked my beard and after a few great IM chats which I still have, she pushed me to ask her out. So I invited her for coffee on what was a date that I will never forget. There is an idea that our first impression is almost always right. I immediately liked her and knew it when I suggested going flea marketing and she didn’t demand I run her home. There were of course more dates after that.

She lived in Conway and I lived in Little Rock. Since she lacked a car, the standard operating procedure was for me to come to Conway on my days off. There were a ton of nights after work too. For about 18 months this was how things went. In March of 2013, she moved in with me. On December 17, 2013 she became my wife.

Amanda is a unique figure in the best way. She’s smart. She’s forceful in that awesome way southern girls are. She’s a huge horror fan. Funny as all hell. Adorable but knows a good joke. Wonderful taste. Utterly incredible cook. She is a fountain of surprises in my life.

I’d be lying to say ours is a relationship any different from any other in the best way. We love to watch movies together. We have our shows. We trade books. We love to go on very normal date nights. We love lying in bed talking and sharing stories. When one of us is hurt, the other races to their rescue. We’re a married couple.

And yes, we do have arguments. We’re not perfect people after all. We’ll argue about standard things. As any married couple will tell you, we are normal for that. The key is that we listen and learn. We have to to move on.

Amanda of course knows all about my issues that I face. After all this blog isn’t anonymous. In fact I admitted it in my profile. She’s always had an interest in such disorders and thus has continually worked to understand me. I’ve never known anybody who understood me more actually.

Amanda being in my life also led to a surprise. I’m very particular about my space but I find that I not only enjoy living with her but I prefer it. For one thing Amanda forces me to stay much cleaner than I had been alone. The real joy comes from this: she’s there all the time. I don’t get lonely because she’s there and I like that she’s there. I don’t get as antsy because she’s there to keep me company. I love it. I sleep better too I think.

Amanda is a force in my life. I cannot wait to spend the rest of it with her.