Melting Down

Two COVID scares. My wife was sick to the point of two ER visits. Lola had a bug so bad she had to stay home from school. I got sick on my vacation. There was the ice storm. The snow storm. The second worse snow storm. A week of work lost. I’ll have less days I worked on this check than didn’t. And I still have to get my W2 from my old employer. Twitter drama,. Today the ice melted and I think so did I.

I don’t intend this as a long entry but I do intend it as an entry about surviving this period. Because can I be honest? I wonder how much I have. I’m very worn out. Sure I had a week inside. It was nice and I read a lot. God it was great seeing my brother and when I wasn’t expelling my body it was cool. But this last two months has tried to kill me in many ways. It’s been violence on my nerves.

And you think there’s some deep idea you’re supposed to come away from stress thinking. You know. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. What trash that is. The truth is what doesn’t kill you leaves you almost impossibly broken. That’s what stress does. It leaves you damaged and tired. So damned tired.

I don’t vent any of this because I want sympathy. I want it noted I did survive. My family will likely be deep in medical bills at least for years. I’m scared to think about my taxes. But yes I am alive. And I hope I’m ok in the future.