Update on My Life 1/21

I’m gonna try to do these more as I can. Just use this space again to check in. Vent how I feel a bit.

It was a long week behind me. I had to do my job with the girls home. That was exhausting. I don’t recommend it at all. But the job got done. I’m realizing this job is great because I don’t care about it. I do it but I have no passion for it. I could lose it and feel fine. I don’t worry. I just do it for 8 hours and go to sleep. That’s perfect.

I’m nearing 40. The temptation is to write something on it. Some advice. But it’s all so dark. I’m not in a headspace to talk to y’all. What I need is a break.

I’m not writing right now and that’s on purpose. Taking a month off. Letting my batteries recharge. I need to remember to love the art.

I am working on blogs though. There’s a 1994 blog coming. 1999 blogs are coming. 2004 too. Look for those over the year. May try to do a 2004 book actually like 1997. That was fun.

I’m not ok. That’s fine. I’m genuinely struggling a bit. But I’m honest. I’ll be ok soon enough, TTYL.

Five Sad Songs That Can Go To Hell

One of my favorite songs ever is Lightning Crashes by Live. It’s a heartbreaking song which is funny because the subject matter is very uplifting, namely the cycle of life and death. An old woman dies but a new baby is born. The song deals with profound subject matter in a way that’s beautifully done. The song builds to a perfect crescendo. Lightning Crashes makes my eyes burn but I listen to it a lot.

That’s not the case for these songs. These songs are all songs that drew emotion out of me and they have one thing in common: They don’t deserve it. These are five songs that, be it with a music video that was emotionally manipulative or subject matter that was just too easy, do not merit a strong response and I’m mad at myself for letting them get to me. So no, there won’t be Missing You by The Mavericks or My Weakness by Moby on this list. Those are sad songs that are also art. These are bad songs. I’m ranking them from most merit to least.

5 Rascal Flatts- Skin. Country will take three of these spots and there’s a simple reason. Truly sad pop songs are rarely hits. That’s just not how it goes. But country is loaded with weepies. I start with a song I dislike but also kind of forgive. Skin is a song about a girl struggling with an illness. It’s easy subject matter. I mean I only made it through Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by being impressed the lead actress shaved her head for it. This is not the worst song but it’s so damned easy. A sick young person is just so easy. I’m mad that I fell for such an easy trick. But I respect this trick. I won’t say the same again.

4 Soul Asylum- Runaway Train. This is only at 4 because I concede the craft of the song is high. It is a well done weeper. But this music video is evil. I mean it literally. The video depicts real missing children. In at least one case, a young woman was put back in an abusive home. In several others, the children had been killed already. Basically this video used real cases and had to deal with the consequences of how thorny these situations are. But I think the biggest sin is how it uses fictional cases against the real ones and plays you for a sucker. A child being abducted is easy to make me cry. It was 30 years ago. It’s even easier now that I have a baby. In fact I was so upset after watching this again I had to hold Opal for a bit. Just bad.

3 Travis Tritt- Tell Me I Was Dreaming. Oh I’m going obscure. This could all be on the music video which is nightmarishly bleak, killing a new mother. But the song itself is the point. It’s just such a painfully overwrought track about a breakup. I’m not high on breakup songs. I think relationships should end as they have. This is just mournful and overdone. It sounds like it’s about death. Tim McGraw has a song about a breakup he played as death for the video, Can’t Be Really Gone. It’s effective because it feels genuinely lost. This is not helped by Tritt sounding like the lunkhead he is. After a couple of listens you want her side. This is why I hate sad country songs.

2 Tim McGraw- Don’t Take the Girl. Yeah, Tim ain’t walking free. Though I kinda don’t blame him. It was his second single after the racist as hell Indian Outlaw. A sad song is a good way to wash that taste out. This is a classic sad country song. It’s I guess effective. But it lays bare the problems with these songs. It plays it so safe. It threatens to kill a mother, with the music video for once innocent as it gives her a reprieve. It’s sang as if the singer can’t speak. It’s manipulative. Or it would be if the first verse wasn’t so offputting. I get it. It’s ironic. The three uses of the title. And kids are shits. My sympathies were with the poor girl who probably needed a friend, not the boy who will use her as a prop in the next two verses. I hate this song. But not as much as my number one.

1 Skillet- Lucy. If you don’t like politics, click away. Because I’ve got to talk abortion. When I first heard this song, I mistook it for being about a lost friend. Makes sense. I heard it after one of my friends died. But the lyrics bugged me. I looked it up. There was something weird. It was about regret. And then I learned what this is really about. It’s a man mourning his daughter who was aborted. I hate that. Here’s the thing, you can do regret over abortion in art. Frank Peretti did it with Tilly, a lovely little novella. Allegedly Stevie Nicks did it with Sara. But it must be from the mother’s perspective. Men don’t get to tell this. It becomes very unnerving to hear a man saying the reasons abortion is bad. It sounds abusive. And I acknowledge men do have regret too. But the context needed to get to tell this story doesn’t fit in a song. As it stands, it sounds like a man shaming a woman. This is a horrible, wretched song. It can go to hell.

2003 in Film as I Saw It

I almost missed getting to write this. 2003 was one of my favorite moviegoing years. I went nearly weekly. I saw a number of my favorite films. It was so daunting it took until now to write on it. But no wasted time. Under the wire counts as getting it in. And unlike my other entries were I covered everything that came out, limiting it to just what I saw either in a theater or at home. We still have a ton of ground to cover. Here goes nothing.

February 7: Shanghai Knights: It’s weird I start a great year with an unnotable Jackie Chan/Owen Wilson comedy. It’s cute enough. Funny. I like it. But not memorable.
14: Daredevil: Compromised as it is, I love this film. It delivers what I asked. It’s a Daredevil film. Action is great. Colin Farrell steals it. Only misstep is a badly miscast Jennifer Garner as Elektra.
21: Gods and Generals: The year’s worst movie. At four hours long agony to watch. Funny that the best film is over 3 hours long. We won’t the there until late.
Old School: My friends really loved this. I did not. I think it’s okay but juvenile.

April 4: Phone Booth: I love that a Larry Cohen script is here! I saw a Larry Cohen film in a theater. Joel Schumacher directed and this is proof when he was in his wheelhouse he was a great. Violence and anger suited him well. Again, Farrell is great. 2003 banked hard on him and a good bet he was.
16: A Mighty Wind: The weakest of Christopher Guest’s trilogy is still a great comedy. Eugene Levy is great here as is Catherine O’Hara.
Holes: Louis Sachar’s only big screen adaptation is fantastic. A faithful take on a classic book.
25: Confidence: The first film I saw after high school was a huge waste of time. Nobody remembers this. Good. It’s terrible.
Identity: Yeah I love this. Just a showcase for the best character actors alive. James Mangold hits hard.

May 2: X2: I no longer hold this as one of the best Marvel movies but honestly I should. It’s well shot. Well written. Tightly focused. Only real sin is it’s small with only one real new X-Man in it. Still so good.
15: The Matrix Reloaded: I like it. Don’t love it. Liked it, didn’t love it then too.
16: Down With Love: I love this though. It’s a beast of a script.
23: The In-Laws: Hot take but I like this film mostly for the cast. It’s funny enough.
30: Finding Nemo: Don’t hate me but I only like this film and it took a lot to get even to liking it. It’s not bad mind you but it’s episodic and the episodes don’t build. I think it’s okay.

June 11: The Triplets of Belleville: I think I’m supposed to like this weird PG13 animated film more than I did because I barely remember it but I saw it at a theater. It just wasn’t for me.
20: Hulk: I know it’s been rehabilitated. No. It’s bad. Please just be understanding I feel it’s bad.
27: 28 Days Later: Rightly restarted the zombie era. It’s great. I love Danny Boyle. Got Cillian Murphy on the board!
The Room: I have to acknowledge this. I think it’s timelessly weird. But not a film made by a good person.

July 2: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines: The Terminator series enters the fanfic era. Every Terminator film post 2 is fanfic. It’s good fanfic. Fun. But fanfic.
9: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl: Scrape everything away and this trilogy is still magnificent. The first film remains a high water mark. Truly one of my favorites of a good year.
11: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: This isn’t that bad. It’s fun. Well acted. It’s what it needs to be.
18: Bad Boys II: I do not understand the love for this loud obnoxious movie. One of the worst I saw this year.
25: Seabiscuit: OK, this weekend hurt me. What a nothing movie this is. Gary Ross’ follow up to Pleasantville confirms him as a one hit wonder. It’s so long and unexciting. Jeff Bridges is good but I never wanted to see Chris Cooper as a saintly trainer.
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over: The only red/blue 3D film I’ve seen was impossible to watch on every level. I hate that I saw this.

August 1: American Wedding: I liked the third American Pie. A bit gross. Lazy. But funny. I liked it.
Gigli: Called one of the worst movies ever, I think this actually is that bad. Not because it’s egregious. Because it’s so dull. Next.
15: American Splendor: Fantastic. A smart, funny tribute to a smart, funny man. Love this movie.
Freddy vs Jason: This was the finale to two iconic series in one single film. That’s perfect. I think it’s as good as it could be. I’ve read about the other scripts. Trust me. This was the only good one they looked at.

September 12: Matchstick Men: My favorite Ridley Scott film and I mean it. Nicolas Cage and Sam Rockwell at their very best. Improves greatly on a decent novel by Eric Garcia. This is the movie Confidence envies.
Lost in Translation: It’s problematic. There. I said it. Can I say how much I love this film anyway? It’s comforting. I saw it twice at the theater to live in it.
19: Secondhand Lions: The last major film for Haley Joel Osment is a jewel that deserves more attention. Just a smart, funny kid flick.
Underworld: Dumb as hell but I love it. Not enough movies where Michael Sheen kicks ass.

October 3: School of Rock: A classic according to everyone…including me. I love everything about this film. The gut laughs in it are great.
October 10: Intolerable Cruelty: I think this is the worst Coen Brothers film I’ve seen. And yes I saw (and loved) The Ladykillers. This isn’t horrible but it’s leaden. George Clooney almost saves it.
Kill Bill Vol. 1: This is half a movie and I think barely watchable as just that. I saw both parts in one day and I think it only works as a half of a brilliant whole.
15: Mystic River: I think this is wretched and it’s a miracle it didn’t dominate the Oscars. Sean Penn is horribly bad in it. Well shot. Just pointless.
24: Scary Movie 3: The bar was way lighter for this not bad comedy. It’s fine. I laughed.
31: Shattered Glass: A friend of mine thinks Hayden Christensen deserved better. I agree. Having researched this case, this movie follows the facts almost to the tiniest detail. Because there’s nothing that would make it better. It’s too funny as it happened.

I almost missed getting to write this. 2003 was one of my favorite moviegoing years. I went nearly weekly. I saw a number of my favorite films. It was so daunting it took until now to write on it. But no wasted time. Under the wire counts as getting it in. And unlike my other entries were I covered everything that came out, limiting it to just what I saw either in a theater or at home. We still have a ton of ground to cover. Here goes nothing.

February 7: Shanghai Knights: It’s weird I start a great year with an unnotable Jackie Chan/Owen Wilson comedy. It’s cute enough. Funny. I like it. But not memorable.
14: Daredevil: Compromised as it is, I love this film. It delivers what I asked. It’s a Daredevil film. Action is great. Colin Farrell steals it. Only misstep is a badly miscast Jennifer Garner as Elektra.
21: Gods and Generals: The year’s worst movie. At four hours long agony to watch. Funny that the best film is over 3 hours long. We won’t the there until late.
Old School: My friends really loved this. I did not. I think it’s okay but juvenile.

April 4: Phone Booth: I love that a Larry Cohen script is here! I saw a Larry Cohen film in a theater. Joel Schumacher directed and this is proof when he was in his wheelhouse he was a great. Violence and anger suited him well. Again, Farrell is great. 2003 banked hard on him and a good bet he was.
16: A Mighty Wind: The weakest of Christopher Guest’s trilogy is still a great comedy. Eugene Levy is great here as is Catherine O’Hara.
Holes: Louis Sachar’s only big screen adaptation is fantastic. A faithful take on a classic book.
25: Confidence: The first film I saw after high school was a huge waste of time. Nobody remembers this. Good. It’s terrible.
Identity: Yeah I love this. Just a showcase for the best character actors alive. James Mangold hits hard.

May 2: X2: I no longer hold this as one of the best Marvel movies but honestly I should. It’s well shot. Well written. Tightly focused. Only real sin is it’s small with only one real new X-Man in it. Still so good.
15: The Matrix Reloaded: I like it. Don’t love it. Liked it, didn’t love it then too.
16: Down With Love: I love this though. It’s a beast of a script.
23: The In-Laws: Hot take but I like this film mostly for the cast. It’s funny enough.
30: Finding Nemo: Don’t hate me but I only like this film and it took a lot to get even to liking it. It’s not bad mind you but it’s episodic and the episodes don’t build. I think it’s okay.

June 11: The Triplets of Belleville: I think I’m supposed to like this weird PG13 animated film more than I did because I barely remember it but I saw it at a theater. It just wasn’t for me.
20: Hulk: I know it’s been rehabilitated. No. It’s bad. Please just be understanding I feel it’s bad.
27: 28 Days Later: Rightly restarted the zombie era. It’s great. I love Danny Boyle. Got Cillian Murphy on the board!
The Room: I have to acknowledge this. I think it’s timelessly weird. But not a film made by a good person.

July 2: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines: The Terminator series enters the fanfic era. Every Terminator film post 2 is fanfic. It’s good fanfic. Fun. But fanfic.
9: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl: Scrape everything away and this trilogy is still magnificent. The first film remains a high water mark. Truly one of my favorites of a good year.
11: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: This isn’t that bad. It’s fun. Well acted. It’s what it needs to be.
18: Bad Boys II: I do not understand the love for this loud obnoxious movie. One of the worst I saw this year.
25: Seabiscuit: OK, this weekend hurt me. What a nothing movie this is. Gary Ross’ follow up to Pleasantville confirms him as a one hit wonder. It’s so long and unexciting. Jeff Bridges is good but I never wanted to see Chris Cooper as a saintly trainer.
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over: The only red/blue 3D film I’ve seen was impossible to watch on every level. I hate that I saw this.

August 1: American Wedding: I liked the third American Pie. A bit gross. Lazy. But funny. I liked it.
Gigli: Called one of the worst movies ever, I think this actually is that bad. Not because it’s egregious. Because it’s so dull. Next.
15: American Splendor: Fantastic. A smart, funny tribute to a smart, funny man. Love this movie.
Freddy vs Jason: This was the finale to two iconic series in one single film. That’s perfect. I think it’s as good as it could be. I’ve read about the other scripts. Trust me. This was the only good one they looked at.

September 12: Matchstick Men: My favorite Ridley Scott film and I mean it. Nicolas Cage and Sam Rockwell at their very best. Improves greatly on a decent novel by Eric Garcia. This is the movie Confidence envies.
Lost in Translation: It’s problematic. There. I said it. Can I say how much I love this film anyway? It’s comforting. I saw it twice at the theater to live in it.
19: Secondhand Lions: The last major film for Haley Joel Osment is a jewel that deserves more attention. Just a smart, funny kid flick.
Underworld: Dumb as hell but I love it. Not enough movies where Michael Sheen kicks ass.

October 3: School of Rock: A classic according to everyone…including me. I love everything about this film. The gut laughs in it are great.
October 10: Intolerable Cruelty: I think this is the worst Coen Brothers film I’ve seen. And yes I saw (and loved) The Ladykillers. This isn’t horrible but it’s leaden. George Clooney almost saves it.
Kill Bill Vol. 1: This is half a movie and I think barely watchable as just that. I saw both parts in one day and I think it only works as a half of a brilliant whole.
15: Mystic River: I think this is wretched and it’s a miracle it didn’t dominate the Oscars. Sean Penn is horribly bad in it. Well shot. Just pointless.
24: Scary Movie 3: The bar was way lighter for this not bad comedy. It’s fine. I laughed.
31: Shattered Glass: A friend of mine thinks Hayden Christensen deserved better. I agree. Having researched this case, this movie follows the facts almost to the tiniest detail. Because there’s nothing that would make it better. It’s too funny as it happened.

November 5: The Matrix Revolutions: I give it credit for being interesting. But it’s bad. Really bad. Not one good action sequence. A ton of talking,
7: Elf: The first of two iconic Christmas movies to hit today and a damned good one. This made me laugh hard.
Love Actually: Admittedly very few people saw both this and Elf in a theater. But I did. This made me laugh hard.
14: Looney Tunes: Back in Action: The great underloved comedy of the year. This eventually developed a cult. I’m in it. Joe Dante at peak Dante.
0Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World: I don’t like war movies. I love this one though. It’s a great unique look at how a ship works. Educational.
21: 21 Grams: Oh I think this is something special. Told almost at random but deceptively perfectly told. What kills me is Sean Penn is as amazing here as he’s terrible in Mystic River but this was overlooked. Truly a brilliant film. Benicio Del Toro’s best.
26: The Cooler: God I hate this movie. I shouldn’t though. I love William H. Macy. Why is one of his only leads this bad? It’s just a disaster. Loud, cloying, dull.

December 5: The Last Samurai: It’s fine? Like nobody remembers this Oscar bait. (Almost there…) I don’t have any real reaction.
12: Something’s Gotta Give: I hated this in 2003. I’m honest now. It wasn’t for me. That’s okay. Not every movie is for you. This wasn’t for me.
17: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King: The entire year revolved around this movie. The deserved Best Picture winner. A thunderous achievement. Just one of the greatest films ever. Nothing more need be said.
25: Big Fish: The last Tim Burton movie people seemed to all love? I think he had three more good to great films after. This is great though. His most mature film.
Peter Pan: Ending the year on a high note. I love this smart, earthy take on the classic. A rich adaptation that acknowledges the subtext.

So this was 2003 as I saw it. In February, to celebrate my 40th birthday, I’m doing three columns on 1994 and ending on the complete 2004 on the date. See you then

Things Left Unsaid or Why Have I Not Updated This Blog in a Year

I lost my job.

I got a new job.

I discovered my wife was pregnant.

I lost my new job.

I worked several temp jobs.

I changed therapists.

My second daughter, Opal Ann Shinn, was born.

I went to the psych ward at the local hospital for a night.

I went on a course of meds giving me my first sense of clarity ever.

I could’ve updated this blog at every step I’ve just listed. I haven’t though. Aside from a few music entries, I’ve said nothing about my life on this blog since the Smile entry. And that’s become an elephant in the room I have to address. Why have I kept mute when I’ve had so much of a life to discuss?

The truth is fairly simple. I had a severe mental health crisis during the Smile entry and I’ve not really resurfaced. When life flings major stressors at you every week, it’s hard to step back and get perspective. There’s also the factor that when I was posting in the year leading up to this crisis, it was rather disturbing. I was severely depressed and crying for help.

Well, I’m coming clean today. I’m standing up and facing the truth that I was struggling and still am but I’m honest now.

I start by addressing the therapist situation. My old one abandoned me essentially. She wasn’t there when I needed her. So I decided to move on. I’m seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist now. They’re less indulgent of me. I like that. I think my old therapist was a bit too free letting me get away with things. I like being told no. I’m getting stronger for it.

I spent the night in the psych ward just before Thanksgiving. There’s not much to say. It was boring. I read some Poirot. Took some meds. Really the psych ward is just to keep you from hurting yourself. Not my kind of place. I got more help spending the night at my mother’s house by myself.

Opal! I have a new daughter. It’s weird I don’t end with her but she’s not really the root of any stress. Just a great cute baby. I love being a dad again.

The job front is the core for me. I defined myself by being an autistic who beat the odds and had a career. I’m accepting that I’m not. I have a fairly menial temp job now. It’s not impressive. I accept it. I’m working though. The truth is my last longterm job was killing me through underemployment. I need more. I’m glad I’m gone.

I’m on meds. It takes strength to admit that. I am on a strong course of medication though. I like it. It gives me a sense of stability. I don’t melt down.

There’s more. I write every day. I still read. I have new interests. I’ll come to all of this in time I suspect. But for now the air is clear. Onward I go.

The 10 Best Nu-Metal Songs

Back at music! I’m returning to this project with a new focus: Random lists. So when this comes back it’s as top whatever number lists that free me to cover songs that didn’t make my year by year lists. Time to get back at it.

Nu-metal. That most disreputable of genres. It’s funny that almost everything gets a reevaluation and we’ve stayed at a dislike on nu-metal. It was too loud. Poorly written. Bad singers. And it was whiny. It didn’t help that bands had names like Godsmack and Hoobastank. I mean are you going to take a band seriously if they’re called Crazytown?

Yeah I’m going to spoil the article. I love all of the songs on this list without irony. These are excellent well crafted songs.

See, I think a lot of the hate the genre gets is because it was super aggressive music. And that’s very specific to a moment in 2000-2003. We were at the end of history. And of course everything felt underwhelming. If you weren’t there, the malaise of this period was hard to understand. Even 9/11, which seemed like it changed everything, ultimately was just another event inside of a few weeks.

Nu-metal was also an expression of actual mental health. For the first time it was okay to discuss this kind of subject in rock. And nu-metal is often mocked as being the place for singers mad at their dads but so? We needed that. That was a valid topic. Nu-metal led rather effortlessly to emo in that way.

So, before I go forward, a clear set of rules. Defining a genre is hard. I went with simple criteria. Are you listed on Wikipedia with two citations as a nu-metal band? Yes? You’re in. And honestly that led to a pretty clear list. I’m not going to argue a single one of these acts wasn’t in the genre. So here goes.

Let’s ironically put a band whose full canon as a whole is near the peak at the bottom. That’s the weird thing about System of a Down. They truly have great albums. But I’m mixed on their singles. You’d think it would be the opposite as Serj Tankian is a lot but they truly are great in full. Still I love the group. So they get a spot.

10 System of a Down- Chop Suey. What is this song about? No idea. (It’s about the way people are judged for manner of death.) I’ll get to songs about things. This is pure vibes. Namely the world is on fire and everything hurts vibes. It’s intense and loud and almost too much. But it’s brilliant in its way. All the chaos feels cohesive. It’s loud and bold and angry. Tankian has one of the great voices of the age and he sounds so good here. It just feels good to feel bad here.

One of the driving factors of nu-metal was techno. We are definitely going to hear a lot of it. This was heavily driven by the tech revolution. And it often was text. That’s the case here. I consider Orgy a two hit wonder. Blue Monday was big but covers aren’t making the list. No, let’s get really topical for this age.

9 Orgy- Fiction (Dreams in Digital). The topic of waifus or imaginary girlfriends is hardly new but the internet made it okay. Becoming obsessed with fictional women was normal. That needed an anthem and got it in this. This is just a cool song. It sounds like what it is: dirty and seductive. On one hand it could have a vibe of how pathetic all this is. But it’s in support of the idea. And it makes it appealing. The song sounds cool. This is as 2000s as it gets. But it’s good.

I said the bands here are clear. That’s completely true. But I was careful not to put time on this. Some bands were late and evolved into emo or straight rock. Some bands were early and died in this era. That’s how I feel about 311. They’re a nostalgia act now and were by 2006. But they were awesome at their peak. There are album tracks that are amazing. Going with a single.

8 311-You Wouldn’t Believe. One of the reasons I wanted to do this list was to make it clear I don’t think this genre is all anger. That’s this song. Its basically an anthem that heartbreak won’t last. It’s genuinely sweet. And it nails why 311 ruled. The song is so complex with one singer expressing a calmer resilient voice and another burning everything down to cheer you up. The guitar riff drives it too. Upbeat rock rules. It’s just a song about nice guys. Not those. Real ones. And I love it.

So, hot take. I’m putting one of the defining artists of this genre kinda low. And they made it in. There’s no Limp Bizkit. No Staind. Kid Rock isn’t here. No Marilyn Manson. Korn is sliding in. And admittedly with a song I do deeply like. But while I think Jonathan Davis had talent and a voice, IDK, I never loved Falling Away From Me or Got The Life as much as others. This one though… I love it.

7 Korn- Thoughtless. This has a really ridiculous video where a guy vomits in revenge. It ended that actor’s career of course. (Aaron Paul, seriously.) But ignore that. This song is kind of the best of its ilk. This pushes the whininess of this genre to the peak. And it’s great. This song is so over the top. Davis goes so far with it. It’s cackling fun. It almost becomes too much. And I love that. It’s a worthy way to cement the band.

OK, so if we agree that this genre is adrenaline male butt rock, and largely that’s true, I ask if that’s bad. Isn’t there a place for that? Music to hype you up is a good thing. And that’s what’s funny to me. While this genre is mostly a lot of loud whining, there were upbeat songs and some of them shredded. So cool. Now I have to defend a poorly liked song.

6 Saliva- Click Click Boom. Yeah, I weighed if this would go on. But I’m going to put it to show that nu-metal wasn’t that different from alternative rock which was still like hair metal. Sometimes you just need a song about how cool rock music is. That’s all this is. The song even includes the line “my mom and dad were perfect” which makes this a Jeff Foxworthy joke. But it’s a good joke. It’s an anthem. It gets you moving. I love playing it on a drive. Oh and Your Disease? Damn near made it here. Love that song.

OK, so we’re at the top 5. And I’m putting an actual Christian Rock song here. Look, a lot of acts toed the line of are we or aren’t we. Evanescence and Flyleaf did it. Classic rock type Creed lived on it. Not here. No, this song is lyrically unambiguously a hardcore Christian Rock song. Hell it might as well be a DC Talk song. :shrugs: I love DC Talk. I love these guys too.

5 P.O.D.- Alive. What rules is this isn’t obscure. Do you know this genre? You know this song. Alive is one of the true classics of nu-metal. And funny. It’s also upbeat as it gets. I mean the song is talking about how faith in Jesus makes someone feel good. So enough qualifiers. This song rocks. P.O.D. were the real deal as both metal and Christian rock. The guitar work here is electric. The song is aggressive, intense, and well named. It’s honestly the best evangelism I can imagine. Forget joyless slogs like God’s Not Dead. These guys actually make Christianity seem appealing. That’s the best review I can give.

And we hit three upbeat songs in a row. It’ll end hard after this. Seriously. But I want to be clear. If I was simply going by how much I like a song? #1. I love this song so much. As it is, it’s at #4 because it isn’t the best example of what people think of nu-metal as. But it’s so good.

4 Sevendust- Live Again. It’s so much on Lajon Witherspoon’s voice. I should note I think they’re the great underrated band of the era and that’s on his voice. It’s hard to ignore that by being a rare black lead in the genre, he stand out, but more than anything his voice is just kinda pretty. Which is helpful because this sounds like a threat. The song attacks the listener, urging them to face themselves or else they’ll be nothing. Which means it’s a self empowerment song. Again, with very harsh guitar and kind of intense lyrics you might miss that it’s a very sweet song. I once wanted to use it for someone in a crisis. No, this is a true hopeful song. Can I redo my 2002 list and get it in? Just so good.

Hoobastank had the silliest name of an age of bad names. The Reason is still wretched simplistic tripe. There. Got the two jokes out of the way. Time to discuss a truly strong song.

3 Hoobastank- Crawling in the Dark. I love that you can’t miss the message of this song. What’s the meaning of life? Man, nu-metal was existential as hell because a lot of songs are on this theme. Again, there was a general sense of “ok, what now” post 1999. And it’s hard to find a better example than this. “Is there something more than what I’ve been handed” hits real damn hard when you’re of a generation that saw every ladder pulled up. The lyrics really make this song shine. I mean musically it’s phenomenal, clean and well made. But the lyrics here hit weirdly harder nearing 40 than 20. It’s a song to listen to and look back and sigh.

So before I put this song on, a confession. I used the radio edit. And I can justify this. The song contains a horrific section depicting a little boy abused by his mother who retaliates. How hated is this section? It’s most of the wikipedia page. And y’all, my #2 isn’t some obscure song in the genre. We have a legend. And it’s a legend because you heard the edited version. We’ll look at that great song. So let’s all make the noise together. Oh ah ah ah ah.

2 Disturbed- Down With The Sickness (Radio Edit). OK, that out of the way, this is the perfect example of why I love Disturbed. They were always going high and I had to debate between Voices and This. But I think this is the best. Because it’s completely fake. Like I believe their songs do reflect real issues to a degree but only a degree. This is pure theater. So much so that it’s easy to forget David Draiman’s loud grunting vocals disguise that he has a truly beautiful singing voice as shown by the band’s cover of The Sound of Silence which is a masterpiece. It’s just so over the top and it’s perfect for that. It’s not real. It’s a loud horror epic. And I adore it.

Top spot. And it’s a doozy. No surprise who it is. You’ve checked off the big names. One was missing. And this was never in doubt. This song is everything that makes the genre sing. It’s a song about something real. It’s artfully made. It’s intense. So no more time wasted. Time to hit a great one.

1 Linkin Park- Numb. I feel like Numb is this genre’s Smells Like Teen Spirit. (My wife says something earlier) What I mean is it’s the one song that IS the genre. It’s instantly identifiable. It’s everything you expect. There’s a rap influence. Serious subject matter. It sounds like nu-metal. This is the song. And it’s so good. I could pick apart so many reasons. The pinging hook. The way it builds. The anger. But it comes down to this. It’s about something. This is about the pressure people feel to succeed in a world that won’t let you. It’s a real grief. And the song is nuanced. There’s hope in the line “I know I may end up failing too” before going to something rare and empathetic with “You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.” A beautiful hopeful cry.

The Top 20 1990s Country Songs (That I Didn’t Cover Already)

I still feel bad about how I played country on my top lists for the 90s. I breathed it between 1993-1997. I had CMT on all day for much of my youth. But I outgrew it and I’ll be blunt, I haven’t had the nostalgia rush you’d think to go back. I think a lot of it doesn’t hold up.

That’s because country music is to a great degree music for people without problems except love. And look, nobody is more about a good romance than me. But a lot of country is thin compared to even the good love songs in pop. Adulthood didn’t reach Nashville. Country is also weirdly unoriginal, either trend chasing or cover heavy. In fact, I wanted to do a no covers rule but too many songs I like are. So country is a mess.

I do want to be honest. I was going to do a top 30. Then 20. Then 15. Then back to 20 because I hit a cluster of songs I really love. It shrank because I was sickened by so much I saw. Even if I liked it I didn’t love it now. I considered cutting this. But there are songs on this list I had to cut for the main that bother me. I need to celebrate them if I can.

I also want to dissect my disdain for 90s country by what isn’t here. The big names made my main list often so I’m not adverse to Billy Ray or Garth. But you’ll see some pivotal names not here and a few of them will get excoriated.

But there was good. And I want to celebrate some interesting voices. I also want to pick apart some fascinating trends and problems.

I’m keeping to standard rules. One entry per artist. I’m only saying what I think. The following songs are ineligible due to already making earlier lists: Garth Brooks: Friends in Low Places. Billy Ray Cyrus: Achy Breaky Heart/In The Heart of a Woman. John Anderson: Bend It Until It Breaks. Clint Black: A Good Run of Bad Luck. Mary Chapin Carpenter: He Thinks He’ll Keep Her/Shut Up and Kiss Me. Pam Tillis: It’s Lonely Out There. Vince Gill: Worlds Apart. Sawyer Brown: This Night Won’t Last Forever. George Strait: Blue Clear Sky. Mavericks: Missing You.

We start with someone I think deserves the love he got. Alan Jackson was someone who was angry at what country was becoming. If you think I’m kidding, look at the songs he chose to do. Murder on Music Row is explicitly about this. Don’t Rock the Jukebox is a cry for listening to classic country. His songs often sounded just as vintage as country got. He did a number of great covers. And then there’s this.

20 Alan Jackson- Gone Country. Jackson says the song is a fun celebration of how country is accessible to anyone. Bullshit. The song is a sarcastic, bitter middle finger that got popular because nobody listens to the lyrics except the chorus. This is an attack on how people sell out and turn to country music when their careers crash. And Jackson just crushes it with his charming delivery. It’s not a joke he misunderstands. It’s honestly funnier for how light it is. Perfect start.

One thing I love about going through this list: I’ll be bringing up a lot of film credits I love. A lot of country singers crush acting. Believe me, there’s a big one coming. And let’s get an obvious name in. A cast member from Tremors. Star of her own beloved sitcom. And an important figure.

19 Reba McEntire- The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. If I was ranking this on canons of the 90s, Reba would be top 10. It’s by song. Her whole is better than her parts so I tried to nail it down to a perfect symbol. Reba McEntire wasn’t the face of country in the 90s. She was older. She sounded older. She looked older. She was 39 when this hit for example. And that’s why she was great. She sang about having lived a bit and you felt it. This song is about loneliness and desperation and someone 15 years her junior couldn’t have crushed it. Just a fine, adult song.

Country music was extremely manipulative in the 90s. Can I call that out? I hate Don’t Take The Girl. I hate basically every song where someone dies. I just find so much of country music pathetically exploiting easy subjects. If you’re going to hurt me, earn it. And that brings me to a song named after and referencing my current location.

18 Collin Raye- Little Rock. This one is good. The thing is the song deals with a real issue. Alcoholism is a genuinely sad topic and the song is honest about how painful it is. The lyrics depict someone struggling with the issue. They want to relapse due to loneliness. Hell they might. But they’re trying. Raye is probably the worst artist on this list honestly but he interprets the song well. It’s not a fun song but of the 90s weepies in the genre, the best.

I hate Lonestar. I’m Already There is wretched tearjerking crap. Amazed is a theft of Bryan Adams’ Please Forgive Me. To me they’re a symbol of what country became. Accented pop. And they didn’t start this way. I like Tequila Talking. I love this song.

17 Lonestar- No News. A simple premise. A man’s lover disappears. He wonders where she is. It’s a good joke. The lyrics crush it. The performance is in on the joke. Again, country can be funny. It’s funny that the band crossed over with glurge because this feels perfect next to Everything Falls Apart. It’s fast too. Just a long series of guesses that get incredibly weird. Good enough.

I do these lists by picking the songs one day then ranking as I write later. And I’m realizing how good this list is when I’m hitting this song at 16. Classic country has a sound. It’s George Strait.

16 George Strait- Carrying Your Love With Me. Again, older counts. George Strait had well over a decade as a hitmaker before this song. And he would exit the decade an elder statesman. This song is proof of my. Again, a simple idea of a man who must travel telling the woman he loves that she never leaves his mind. From a boy like Clay Walker or Tim McGraw, it means nothing. Strait sounds tired but he means it. It’s just sweet.

From age to the youngest artist on this list. But not a novelty. LeAnn Rimes was written off as a freak at first. Time killed that. She has a one of a kind instrument she’s taken care of. She’s an old school country singer and she sounds like it. I could pick so many songs. I mean she made my nemesis Diane Warren sound good! But I’m going to the start.

15 LeAnn Rimes- Blue. Here’s the thing, this is an old person’s country song. If you didn’t know she was young, you might not even crack it. She sounds mature. And she crushes the delivery. That deep, sad, mournful delivery. The song itself is old school Patsy Cline music. Kind of exactly for me. It’s from 1996 but it belongs to 1966. Retro did very poorly in this decade. But this is choice.

14 and 13 are kind of the same song. They exemplify why country did actually matter. It was a place to deal with real emotions like heartbreak. And these two songs both express the same idea. That you’ll be better off when you’re over the situation. First up, Randy Travis, a man who was an early country heartthrob and a phenomenal voice. His life is a tragic one filled with alcoholism, violence, rumors that definitely didn’t help his career, and illness that eventually robbed him of his gift. Gifted singer though.

14 Randy Travis- Out of My Bones. I want it noted we’re up to 14 and not one singer has a credit for writing. This is a great example of why I’m not bothered. This is just a good song about wanting to get over heartbreak that was finely written and performed. Travis was a great interpreter. His complicated life seeps into this song by accident almost by fate. He sounds grizzled. The result is a beautiful little song about what we do to move on. Just nice.

Country is all about heartbreak. So it really is rare to find a song that truly sounds triumphant after a breakup. Me being me, there’s at least one more after this one on the list. That song looks at a relationship that ended much more poorly. This one? Well let me jump in.

13 Tracy Lawrence- Better Man, Better Off. How many songs about a breakup are this warm about the relationship? Seriously, half the song is about how good it was. But I think that’s why this song is great. Tracy Lawrence never did catch on. He was talented. Had a few good years. He’s forgotten now. But he was as good as it got. Here he’s strong but not too strong. He’s honest. He delivers the lyrics so well. And the lyrics are great. It feels like it was written the day after a breakup rant and you’re realizing she’s not the devil. Just a fine song.

Finally, at #12, a song actually written by the singer. There were many studio manufactured groups in the 90s. Guys who couldn’t cut it on their own but worked well together. None better than Brooks & Dunn. Kix Brooks was a sublime guitarist. Ronnie Dunn a fine vocalist and a longtime Nashville songwriter who finally broke in. They had a great canon. Some great ballads. But no, I like the fun.

12 Brooks And Dunn- Little Miss Honky Tonk. Brooks & Dunn probably had the highest ratio of chart success to works they penned themselves. This isn’t their big one but it showcases their gift. The song is a goofy joke song about a guy just in awe of how hot his girlfriend is. But isn’t that kind of a great sentiment? It’s a lot of fun and sweetly sexy in a way country doesn’t get. The production is immaculate too. I love these dudes. My Maria almost made the list and only missed it because I wanted to shout out Ronnie Dunn’s writing skills.

I end this half of the list on a group that shouldn’t have done well in the 1990s and were done after 1997. But they did great while they were successful. Sawyer Brown is true country. So much so I’ll put a ballad on. Because this is a good one.

11 Sawyer Brown- Treat Her Right. Compared to the list to come, this is such a low key song. It’s a simple advice song and country has many of them. This is a good one. I think again, it comes down to age. Mark Millar sounds like a grown man speaking, not a boy like so many of his peers. He knows what he’s saying. The song is also so simple. Piano driven country is far from rare but I love it here. Not a big song but I prefer it to many hits.

John Berry feels like the last plane out on a very specific type of country singer. He wasn’t attractive. He wasn’t a great vocalist. He was just fine. But he broke through anyway. I think that’s on his songs. Because damn did he have the songs.

10 John Berry- Standing On The Edge Of Goodbye. Berry cowrote this, the only song he cowrote on the album, and it’s a beast. A song about the edge of a relationship ending. We’ve all been there. It’s a very specific hell. Berry nails it. His delivery was always a bit strong where it didn’t fit but here he just goes for it and the production meets him. Will this relationship survive? It doesn’t feel likely. But they’ll try. The chorus kills too. This is a painful cry.

I want to be clear. I’m not mad at country for how pretty it got. That’s what happens when you get popular. You get sexier. I’m at peace with that. I’m not mad at the pretty voices either. I get pushing Tanya Tucker aside for Faith Hill. One of those made the pop charts three times. But I like my rasp. I like my age. Like here.

9 Kathy Mattea- Walking Away A Winner. Cowriter Bob DiPiero made the list multiple times in 1996 and he scores another notch here. This is the triumphant cry song. It’s good to have songs like this one. It sounds bold and proud. Kathy Mattea had a killer voice. She sounded a bit rough hewn but also had a lovely texture. Admittedly the gambling metaphor is a bit tired. But this song makes it work because you get the feeling she has played this game before. It’s very effective.

My latest song comes from 1999. And it’s a damn fine one. Traditional quality country was still around. Still is. Here’s an example from a guy who went on to cover Vertical Horizon. And honestly improved the song in the cover.

8 Gary Allan- Smoke Rings in the Dark. A song about unrequited love. Great topic. Not enough of those. And this is a good one. Allan wasn’t a writer but he interprets this song great. What I love is how honest it is about the topic. You can try to make someone love you but you won’t. It’s not going to happen. I like how this is honest and accepting. It’s not an incel song. Allan sounds so good. What a great grizzled voice.

Time to touch on one of my favorite artists. Pam Tillis had a nice run. I could’ve put a number of songs here. I think her skill was she had just a nice voice. She was a good interpreter. She had a gift for sad songs. She was a comforting artist to listen to when life was painful. So here’s a nice song.

7 Pam Tillis- In Between Dances. Consider this a sentimental pick. Other songs were bigger to me. But this one mattered. I get why. It’s about grief and the terror of opening up. It’s beautiful. The metaphor of being between dances, is it even a metaphor? I mean that’s basically literally what the song is about: being between partners. Dance, romance, all the same. And Tillis never sounded better. She did a lot of heartache songs. I get the feeling she knew it. Only one unhappy marriage listed on Wikipedia.

There was a weird moment in the 1990s where country songs were sold as R&B songs as well. And I mean moment. The same group All-4-One covered two songs recorded by the same artist John Michael Montgomery. I like the pop versions. I don’t like the country versions. But Montgomery has one very important song to me. On the list.

6 John Michael Montgomery- Long As I Live. Sometimes it’s all in the execution. This is a dark, sad song. Except it isn’t. It’s a sweet love song. But it sounds so mournful and pained. There’s a real sense you’re not listening to a successful relationship so much as one that barely survived. The strings here gut you. The whole instrumentation actually just sounds dark and wrong. I can’t explain why. This song just drips with grief. Love it.

One last time, I’m looking at a woman whose career died when the Shania Effect hit and country women got a lot prettier. At least that’s the easy way to explain the end of the career of Patty Loveless. In truth, the big thing that happened was country got a lot less songwriter driven and a lot more image driven. Industry fronts like Loveless, and make no mistake her push was all industry, couldn’t compete because they didn’t fit this era. She was perfectly fine looking but not exactly modern and her voice didn’t stand out. But she had one perfect song.

5 Patty Loveless- Blame it on Your Heart. There is not a time in country music this would’ve been a flop. Even now I think it could still work. It’s got a perfect hook. That list of adjectives is just so perfectly crafted. Each one is worse than the other. It builds. It’s a perfect chorus to sing along to. The craft is perfect. And the verses are a bullet. Loveless does a great job with it too, to be fair. It’s just such an angry song. The production sparkles too. For sheer perfect songwriting, listen to this. Oh, and look up The Mavericks covering it. They kill it with a very Latin flair.

Top 4. And we come to our highest singer/songwriter. Which is funny because if anyone makes sense to be an image driven front, it’s the best actor on the list. Dwight Yoakum is an incredible actor in films like Panic Room, Sling Blade, and Logan Lucky. He’s in the opening of Wedding Crashers and scores a few laughs. So I’m happy to have him on the lust. I’m also happy to admire another perfectly written song.

4 Dwight Yoakum- Fast As You. A song about a guy mad his girlfriend is abusive and controlling is actually kind of shocking. Like this is not typical subject matter and even less typical that it’s played light. But it’s so well done. Yoakum gets all the credit here both as a writer and as a performer because he’s a star at both. The lyrics are phenomenal and piercing. His vocals are seductive and intense. The man is a titan at performing and he really does bring the same energy he would later bring to his acting here. And can I stress the guitar work here is incredible if you’re a fan.

I don’t plan this but one man has two spots in the top 3. Back to back at that. I’ll cover the writer on this spot. Dennis Linde is probably the most influential country songwriter ever that you don’t know the name of. John Deere Green. Goodbye Earl. It Sure Is Monday. Bubba Shot the Jukebox. Burning Love! The number of songs he wrote that were huge hits in the genre can’t be counted here. Well here’s one.

3 Sammy Kershaw- Queen of My Double Wide Trailer. This so narrowly missed the 1993 list I’m amazed it did. It’s a perfect country joke song. It runs through so many cliches to where the video even mocks the song for being that cliched, making it the perfect symbol of country in 1993. But they’re great cliches so I let it go. This is also heavily on Kershaw, whose Louisiana vocals are one of a kind. It’s a funny song that basically gives up the game. Country music was changing. Kershaw would actually ride it out a good distance despite not fitting. The perfect bridge song in country.

Oh Garth, how do I address you. I have complicated feelings about Garth Brooks. I was a huge fan growing up but I’m not one now that I’m better versed in music. He’s a fine singer but in the technical sense. He’s deeply uninteresting actually as a performer. He doesn’t write. He doesn’t play an instrument. And yet he became big because he had the songs and I guess had the presence. It doesn’t matter why he broke. He had the songs. And he scores the runner up spot.

2 Garth Brooks- Callin’ Baton Rouge. On a songwriting level, this song is bizarre and I think that’s why it speaks to me. It’s basically one verse, a chorus, a bridge, and a chorus. Obviously it’s short. But it’s perfect. I think the key is Brooks loves the hell out of the song. It’s a cover of a New Grass Revival song and he got them to play on it. Brooks has rarely sounded as alive as he does here. The use of Sam Bush’s fiddle and Bela Fleck on banjo makes it sound unlike anything in Brooks’ fairly anodyne catalog. This is as alive as country gets. It still fires me up. I’m glad it goes to number 2.

Number one is the biggest omission in my entire history of writing on music. I look at my 1994 list and not only do I not know how this missed the list. Maybe topped it would’ve been more accurate. It’s just a perfect song. And it comes from one of the best groups to do it. No further ado.

1 Mavericks- What a Crying Shame. I love songs that have a subtext of “the singer is the asshole” and this is as good as they get. The lyrics are one long whine basically and they’re so sarcastic the song pops for it. Raul Malo has one of the greatest natural voices in country and he uses every note. He sounds so smooth and cool even while being a giant jerk. The song also has immaculate production. The Mavericks have several guitarists and that gives them a unique sound. The guitar here is seriously 10/10. I just can’t praise this song enough. The best song I’ve missed.

Climbing Mount Swartzwelder: The Best Simpsons Episodes Written by John Swartzwelder

When I set out to look at the best episodes of The Simpsons written by John Swartzwelder, it was tempting to just say I’m looking at the best episodes of the show period. John Swartzwelder’s 59 episodes are right at the peak of the show. In a field known for group writing and regression to a standard voice, his episodes all feel very distinctly of one mind.

What is a Swartzwelder episode? The writer specialized in large conflict driven plots, such as when Springfield went to war with itself. He liked Mr. Burns, who shows up in several episodes as well as Krusty. But the best known trait of a John Swartzwelder Simpsons episode is how political they are, and fascinatingly they’re actually very conservative. Swartzwelder is a chainsmoker who advocates for gun rights (this will come up) and hates environmentalists. And because he’s funny, he’s great for it.

I’m not wasting my breath. I want to dig into the art. First: Five honorable mentions.
Whacking Day: An excellent study of why we need to always question tradition. There’s a genuine anarchy to the ideas in the episode along with some great jokes.
Bart Gets Famous: The Simpsons gets meta with a cameo by former writer Conan O’Brien. A meditation on the emptiness of fame. It’s clever but also achingly sad.
Radioactive Man: This study of big budget superhero movies is fun. Deeply shallow humor about Springfield’s greed still works.
A Tale of Two Springfields: An underrated strange episode where Springfield has a civil war over area codes. It’s Swartzwelder at his most goofy.
A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love: Famed in my house for the line “you will find true love on Flag Day,” the date of my first date with my wife, the episode depicts Mr. Burns with rare love and empathy. He’s actually sweet here.

Now onto the classics:

The Boy Who Knew Too Much: Like all Simpsons episodes at this moment, this inspired a meme, Skinner saying “no it’s the children that are wrong.” It’s a funny joke that gets to the unusually serious tone of the episode. This is a riff of 12 Angry Men and Hitchcock that actually captures the power of both. It’s a fun mystery that rests on genuine tension for Bart. If he comes clean, his life is ruined. That’s the power of many of these. There’s actual stakes. But what makes the episode shine is one of the hallmarks of Swartzwelder. It’s character driven. His version of Bart is a prankster but a kind one. Bart is haunted by guilt. And that makes this a truly great episode.

Itchy & Scratchy & Marge: John Swartzwelder represents something vital in American comedy: A conservative whose politics are important to his work but in a way that makes the art better. This episode shows why this is a good thing by examining the topic of censorship, something vital on both sides. The episode examines the question of when is it okay and I think here it’s clear that the cry is for parents to decide. Marge engages in overreach, while well meaning, and gets caught in her hypocrisy. Ultimately you can’t decide art can’t exist for everyone. It’s funny too.

The Cartridge Family: This one is wild. Because it’s very hard to view this episode as favoring gun ownership. For years it was a sacred text to me opposing gun ownership. And of course that’s not what’s intended. Swartzwelder is a guns rights advocate to the point the gun store owner is based on him. What you have here is a more complex piece then. As with above, Swartzwelder takes an issue applied in the broad and argues for the individual. Homer Simpson should not have a gun. Many arguments for guns are bad. That doesn’t mean all guns are bad. The episode is a cry for responsible ownership. It’s funny, nuanced work. This is what South Park wishes it did.

You Only Move Twice: OK, we’re getting away from politics but getting back to meta. You Only Move Twice is a perfect episode of The Simpsons. Moving episodes, and nobody ever stays moved, are built to examine why characters need their bases. Never has that been truer than here. Marge needs the broken house. Lisa needs the flawed grime. Bart needs the apathetic schools. Homer needs them happy. The episode celebrates Springfield by removing them from it. And then there’s Hank Scorpio, a likable supervillain played by Albert Brooks. I love that he’s just an affable monster in the background. This is near peak Simpsons.

Homer’s Enemy: Here is peak. I’ll say it right now: the theory that everyone from the fans to the creators have is wrong. This isn’t about what would happen if a real person entered Springfield. It’s about if a real asshole entered Springfield. Because Frank Grimes is one of the best crafted one shot characters ever. He grew up poor and he takes it out on everyone. He’s impossible to feel sorry for which makes Homer’s desperate attempts to reach out painful. The stealth genius move here was using Hank Azaria in what could’ve been a juicy guest part. Azaria sells the rage and I wasn’t shocked to learn he put far more effort in than expected. The episode works precisely because it illuminates why we ultimately love the show. Homer Simpson is a good man. By watching someone hate him, we love him more.

The Films of 1993: October-December

Last quarter. It gets interesting in the best way. I feel like I’ve gotten to cover some of the wilder swings of my childhood. A big theme this quarter is director driven art. Steven Spielberg even has a second film in one year after Jurassic Park. And given the rush it had to be nothing. Or still one of the seminal works of the age. We’ll get there.

October
October 1: Cool Runnings: I love this movie even though it’s bs. It’s sweet bs. It’s kind. The last good John Candy movie. Just joyful. Also how nice was it that in 1993 a movie aimed at kids had a mostly black cast and nobody blinked.
For Love or Money: I think it’s a bad sign Barry Sonnenfeld’s followup to The Addams Family barely beat the sequel he directed with great skill to the big screen. I love Michael J. Fox. Not a movie star. Seriously, this had to sit for a bit.
M. Butterfly: Problem–It’s based on a true story. I haven’t seen this film. I heard the LA Theatre Works recording of the original stage cast of John Lithgow and BD Wong. It was devastating. It especially hurt when Wong drops his accent (the BD is for Bradley Darryl, y’all) playing the listener for their own bigotry. That’s genius and you need to hear it right now. I’ve never heard good about the movie. And it’s David Cronenberg. IDK. If he isn’t hitting, it must be a miss.
Malice: Nicole Kidman spent the 90s in the shadow of Tom Cruise if you believe the media. Or she spent the 90s already kicking ass if you believe me. This, To Die For, and Eyes Wide Shut rule. This is delicious trash but it’s by Aaron Sorkin so it’s good trash. And she kills here.
Short Cuts: Robert Altman’s love letter to Raymond Carver is a genius film. A human epic. One of his very best. I can’t say enough good.

October 8: Demolition Man: Here’s the thing. Sylvester Stallone is a funny man and that breaks through his action work. He’s after all the guy who created Rocky Balboa. This used that great. And it made it clear Sandra Bullock was someone to watch.
Gettysburg: Look, it’s a museum piece. If you’re really obsessed, watch it. But it’s for die hards only.
Mr. Jones: Hollywood: MENTAL ILLNESS IS SAD! This is a gross film.

October 13: The Nightmare Before Christmas: Um, I’m going to hurt y’all a bit. I love this film as an experience. I do. But can we be honest and admit it barely hangs together as a film. There is at least one shot from a deleted plotline in the film. Motivations make no sense. The plot is pure “and then.” It’s crazy racist. (Oogie Boogie is really just this side of a Golliwog.) And I know it was early but this just isn’t a full film. I love it. But 3/4.
Rudy: I’m just killing classics. Because I HATE Rudy. It’s a complete lie. It’s one guy who had one unnotable experience and made it his life. And it’s not a good film! It’s hackneyed. Ugh. Hate. Sorry.

October 15: The Beverly Hillbillies: I loved this as a kid. I don’t now. But what a good cast. Like I can’t trash any casting here. Jim Varney got a rare moment to play a straight man and he’s genuinely wonderful. Diedrich Bader is a hoot as Jethro. Cloris Leachman is Granny. The bank is represented by Dabney Coleman and Lily Tomlin. You know what? I don’t care. Watch for the acting. It’s not great but the cast sings.
Fearless: … I’m at October 15 and I hit Fearless. Man 1993 was GOOD. This is a phenomenal film. Peter Weir is so good. He made human films. Jeff Bridges rules too.
Judgment Night: Credit due: How many inner city movies have Denis Leary as the villain? It’s nice to have a white inner city thriller.

October 22: Wide releases of movies from earlier in the month.

October 29: Fatal Instinct: The inevitable spoof of erotic thrillers comes from…Carl Reiner. That said, the cast is Armand Assante, Sherilyn Fenn, Sean Young, and Christopher McDonald. It’s dead on.
Return of the Living Dead 3: I love this movie so much I’ve already made that clear. I think this is a great horror comedy that works best as a Brian Yuzna film, not a series entry. I have some gripes, namely that the movie avoids man on zombie sex when…well we’d all get it here. Also it’s weird seeing Yuzna hold back. But it’s wonderful. I want to remake it.

November:
November 5: Flesh and Bone: A family drama. From writer Steven Kloves. Not much to say.
Look Who’s Talking Now: If I had a nickel for every part 3 from a tired franchise released today, I’d have two nickels. This is the really bad one.
The Remains of the Day: Merchant Ivory films rule. They were deeply emotional films. This is a powerful one.
Robocop 3: The other part 3. I kinda love it. Robert John Burke isn’t a bad stand in for Peter Weller. It’s ambitious. There was no budget but they did crazy things anyway. And it’s Fred Dekker writing and directing. Fun film.

November 10: Carlito’s Way: I hate Scarface. Here’s good Scarface. A never better David Koepp wrote a brilliant script for a never better Brian De Palma. Al Pacino is actually believable as a Latino this time and just worn out. A great cast backs him up. I get why this isn’t the t-shirt of Scarface. It’s sad. But brilliant.

November 12: Ernest Rides Again: Ernest left Disney for independent distribution and after this left theaters outright. It’s hard to watch even the trailer.
My Life: A weeper about a dying man trying to preserve his life before he dies and fix everything. :shrugs: Not my cup of tea.
The Three Musketeers: I liked it as a kid. No need to go back. It’s I think a decent film of its genre. Pulpy. A great cast. Michael Kamen scored it well. It’s a throwback. Very Errol Flynn.

November 19: Addams Family Values: The first of two failed sequels from Paramount that are far better than their box office. I love it. It’s where Christina Ricci broke away. Best script from Paul Rudnick. Joan Cusack kills. And my how great Raul Julia and Anjelica Huston are.
Man’s Best Friend: Horror really struggled in 1993. Killer dog movies have one big problem: Dogs actually kill a lot. They’re very dangerous. So a movie about a genetically enhanced dog is redundant. This one is bad.

November 24: Josh and S.A.M.: Hollywood: What…did you think movies aimed at youths were in 1993. Reading this plot synopsis gave me a nosebleed. Who was this for?
Mrs. Doubtfire: Look, it’s a classic. No, the plot holds up to no scrutiny at all. Yes, it’s kind of all kinds of -phobic. But this movie has a bleeding soul. It’s a movie about a man who can’t be honestly himself unless he puts on a mask. Robin Williams is fantastic here. Sally Field is too. I love it. Problematic? Yes. But kind.
The Nutcracker: Um, no. The Nutcracker has never worked on film. Next. Actually let me note that this was a weird film for not needing to exist. It was one of the final Culkin films and why WAS he there? He was cast in a non dancing guest role. Dancing isn’t exciting on film because you just do a retake. I don’t get it.
A Perfect World: In a perfect world, Clint Eastwood’s humanity as a director would be better known. Lovely film, this. Eastwood really put his soul in.
We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story: Dinomania ended with this movie and weirdly Steven Spielberg micromanaged it. It’s awful. The absence of Disney hurt most here. BTW the writer of Doubt wrote this.

December
December 3: A Dangerous Woman: Director Stephen Gyllenhaal directed a script by his then wife Naomi Foner and it is infinitely less well known than their two collaborations known as their children Jake and Maggie.

December 8: Six Degrees of Separation: A real underseen great. Put Will Smith on the map as an acting great. Really fine film.

December 10: Geronimo: An American Legend: The first of two westerns. This one has fans. There’s a lot of white guilt in the westerns of the 1990s. I’m fascinated but also annoyed most of these are still by white people.
Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit: What a useless sequel. Here’s the problem. This sequel doesn’t need to exist and never justifies its existence. Instead it does the “save the (blank)” plot. So? Who cares?
Wayne’s World 2: I don’t know if the first or second are better. Nor do I care. I love both. For an idea of how fast this was made, there’s a Leprechaun joke. It’s funny. The whole thing is. A brilliant call the movie makes is keeping Tia Carrere, who gets to continue to be winning as Wayne’s far more than eye candy gf. And I noted Kim Basinger isn’t a star. She’s great as a femme fatale. Add in Christopher Walken and James Hong and the thing glistens. Just a great sequel.

December 15: Schindler’s List: Spielberg goes for immortality. This is a hard movie to discuss. It’s so sobering and raw. It’s not nearly as sentimental as it’s slammed. Spielberg is a cynical man and I think he could only find a way in looking at the intersection of capitalism and morality. Schindler does the right thing and it destroys him. That’s all too real.

December 17: Beethoven’s 2nd: Not at all remembered. I saw this in a theater. But even as a kid I knew it was kinda mid.
The Pelican Brief: John Grisham ruled from 1993-1995. And when it was over for him IT WAS OVER. This was during his peak. A Julia Roberts/Denzel Washington potboiler. From Alan J. Pakula. It’s a programmer.

December 22: Philadelphia: One of the first mainstream films about AIDS is a way too safe film that’s sadly still trying for 1993. I respect it but it’s very much a movie for hetero audiences. It’s just not Longtime Companion. IDK. I think movies like this comfort the comforted. It’s easy to go “I’m not that bad.”

December 25: Batman: Mask of the Phantasm: I feel like by saying it’s an 8/10 I’m on the lowest end on this film. The thing is: I think the animation is a bit lesser next to the show. Also it’s so fast paced it borders on a montage. But it’s brilliant. The late Kevin Conroy was never better which means nobody was ever better as Batman. A great film.
Grumpy Old Men: It’s cute. The thing is I love em but anyone who thinks Lemmon and Matthau only made great comedies forgets they made middling work usually. This is pretty good though.
Shadowlands: A solid, respectable biopic now forgotten and that’s fine.
Tombstone: This wasn’t screened for critics and that screwed it over. Still what a cast. Manliest film ever.

And that’s the end on 93. Ultimately a very good year but not great. I forgot how much filler there was. If you enjoyed this then I’m glad. I’m building to my next project. Not the 90s. The 2000s are coming.

The Films of 1993: July-September

I want to stress there’s a point to these columns. By looking at a year in one go, you see everything much more fully than if you just looked at tiny pieces. You see the full scope. And we really hit a…bad patch. This is dire, y’all. Q1 was great, Q2 was less great, Q4 will fry your brains with how good it is, but Q3 is rough. There’s still some great here. But the bad is extra bad. And I’m going to ponder some films. I did a few rewatches. Some classics aren’t. Here we go.

July:
July 2: Son-in-Law: I just can’t get too mad at this movie. It’s cute, sweet. It has its pros and cons. Pauly Shore was a mistake. But it’s his best film.

July 7: Rookie of the Year: I’m going to be really honest. This was the first movie I watched a second time as a kid and went “oh this stinks.” It’s dead in the water. A bad script. Poor direction. It’s silly. I think this was the first time I realized I was going to outgrow movies. It might be fine for a one time trip but pass.

July 9: In the Line of Fire: Did you know John Malkovich was Oscar nominated here? He lost to another action movie actor too! It’s ok.
Weekend at Bernies II: This became a punchline as it deserved. The problem is if you have basic cable you’ve seen it 9 times. It’s a bad idea on film. But you probably know it.

July 16: Free Willy. I think there’s a lot to like here. It has a harder edge. It’s well shot. It’s interesting. But it’s a bit heavy. I think it’s almost too somber to be a classic. It’s very depressing. Like it’s better than the next film I’ll discuss by far but it’s so sober. I admire it. Can’t love it.
Hocus Pocus: Let me be blunt. This movie didn’t flop because it came out in the summer. It flopped because it sucks. It’s shrill the movie. It’s not good. It’s not funny. It’s loud. Poorly conceived. And it became a classic because it was on all the time.

July 22: The Piano: Very good. Very hard to watch. And led to one of the most frustrating asterisks in Oscar history. But good on Jane Campion. Got her going in the US.

July 23: Another Stakeout: We’re about to smash into the wall here. This was everything wrong with comedy in 1993. An unneeded sequel nobody liked. It spoke to where comedy was. As did…
Coneheads: I think it’s important to stress there was a whole generation that really didn’t have comedy for them. This was boomer comedy. And it’s why Jim Carrey was so epic. This is ambitious but it’s unfunny.
Poetic Justice: The quiet jewel of the month. John Singleton quietly went hard 3/3 in his first 3 films then never really got back. This one lives on hard

July 28: Robin Hood: Men in Tights: Mel Brooks made it official that he was out of energy though that was obvious starting with Spaceballs and collapsed with Dracula: Dead and Loving It. He had no love for the material. You could tell. Again: What was comedy in 1993? It really feels like Pauly Shore aside as well as the universality of Groundhog Day there was nothing if you were under 35.

July 30: Rising Sun: The other Michael Crichton film this summer. A hit too. But not at all good. Racist as hell.
So I Married An Axe Murderer: Not bad but Mike Myers’ ego ran amuck here and tanked a good idea. It’s really boosted by the rest of the cast.
Tom and Jerry: The Movie: Every bad idea for adapting the cartoons in one movie. Like sidelining them. Or making them talk. Say what you want about the 21 movie, it at least tried.

August:
August 6: The Fugitive: I’ll be quick. If you want to write a chase movie, you watch this and take notes. It’s so precise. Every moment lands. Every performance is gold. It’s well shot. It’s well written. This is perfection. Tommy Lee Jones rightly won an Oscar here.
The Meteor Man: Well meaning but meh. I respect what Robert Townsend was doing but this was the problem with superhero movies, and we only have three this year including TMNT III, this, and one of the best ever next week. It has no love for the genre. It doesn’t get them. It’s cute. Inspired a miniseries from Marvel that’s actually pretty damned good and moved this to the Marvel universe.
My Boyfriend’s Back: A well intentioned EC Comics homage that just didn’t work. Hell of a cast. But it doesn’t land. It’s at least trying to be for the comedy audience of this age. But studio meddling is clear.

August 11: Searching For Bobby Fischer: The other work about chess the mainstream knows. This was a box office flop but it had a great afterlife because it’s a quality, interesting look at how prodigies are treated. It’s thoughtful. We need films like it.

August 13: Heart and Souls: A forgotten studio comedy that’s remembered as a cautionary tale about test screenings. This played legendarily well in screenings and died at the box office. You can’t make audiences see something they’re not into.
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday: Horror was so dead even this limped out. It’s, um, honestly I don’t know. It speaks to how we had no idea what to do with the genre. It’s interesting. It tries. I wish Creighton Duke was the star of his own franchise. But it’s in no way Friday the 13th. Jason “died” which meant two more films in this continuity. See, that last shot? Everyone talked about it. And next month is 2003 month so we’ll get to it.
The Secret Garden: I love this film but it’s so sad and heavy. I think we need films like it though. It’s aspirational for kids. A lovely film that pushed me.

August 18: Manhattan Murder Mystery: This is a silly little romp that requires me to discuss nightmarish topics. Woody Allen made this at the height of his accusations and it’s clear he brought Diane Keaton in to try to look good. It’s gross pandering. Aleen wants to be seen as lovable. He only comes off as the egotistical monster he is.

August 20: Hard Target: John Woo’s first US film is a nice little actioner. A better JCVD film. Excellent script and cast. It’s nothing new but fun.
Surf Ninjas: I really hate this movie. Fun fact: the writer of the novelization wrote it under a pen name that he used often to convey how little he liked writing these. I’m sad I owned the novelization.
Wilder Napalm: This was barely released but it got things going for the great Vince Gilligan, even if he really hasn’t had any luck on film. (El Camino is just two hours of Breaking Bad.) I have to nod to that.

August 25: The Man Without a Face: I want to be clear. I hate Mel Gibson even more for kind empathetic films like this. Because it means I know he knows better. And chooses to be that evil. This is so loving and sweet and he’s horrible.

August 27: Father Hood: Again, what was comedy in 1993? This was kind of it. But Patrick Swayze? Never a funny guy. Hard edged yet also a dancer. Not funny. Who was this for?
Needful Things: This makes me sad. The other Alan Pangborn film of the year is a weak adaptation of Stephen King’s classic. It stinks because it’s overly literal. It dumbs the book down. The delicious imagery is gone. And btw 71 minutes was added back to the TV cut. Not good.

September:
September 3rd: Boxing Helena: The bts story is fascinating but the movie isn’t. It’s an idea but nothing is done and it’s just a dream.
Calendar Girl: Jason Priestly was not a star. This idea is silly. Exploits Marilyn Monroe.
Fortress: This is a forgotten film now but it outgrossed about 75% of what I’ve discussed worldwide.
Kalifornia: A really important film now about the problems with fetishizing true crime. I wish it aged poorer. Great cast. Brad Pitt. David Duchovny weeks from The X-Files. Juliette Lewis. Really good.

September 8: The Joy Luck Club: One of the smarter, more moving films of the year. Universal in its themes. Fantastic cast. Not much more to say.

September 10: Money For Nothing: If you read about the true story, this becomes incredible that they spun this from it. It’s completely a lie. No I didn’t see it. I read the book. It was great.
The Real McCoy: A big theme this year is stars who aren’t. Kim Basinger isn’t and wasn’t a star. She was in hits. She was just there. Given a star vehicle she was hopeless.
True Romance: We keep getting signs of life. This is famously the rare Tarantino script by another director he loved the film of. I get why. This is both a Tarantino film and a Tony Scott film. Those mesh fantastically. Notable in that Samuel L. Jackson begins speaking his words here as does Brad Pitt.
Undercover Blues: I get the theory. This was an attempt at Romancing the Stone style fun. But god, spy comedies are so dull. This was directed by Herbert Ross whose career is basically joyless with several unfunny comedies.

September 17: The Age of Innocence: Scorsese hits the year coming off of two commercial and critical triumphs and notches a third success, at least critically. This was him basically daring viewers to say he was just the crime guy. It’s a period romance and he’s just as adept here as elsewhere. A tremendous effort that showcases the master’s range.
Airborne: You know what’s sad? I’ve had almost no teen targeted movies here. This is it really. A movie about rollerblading. Notable as an early Jack Black film.
Into the West: A long delayed Irish fantasy. I haven’t seen it but it’s well liked.
Striking Distance: Bruce Willis is a star but this cliche fest showed his limits. Oh well. It’s not Color of Night.

September 24: Dazed and Confused: And we hit a landmark. Dazed and Confused is 70s themed so it’s kind of the outer edge of the Baby Boomers but make no mistake: This is the first Generation X film. Not a huge hit but important.
The Good Son: A big theme here was the end for Macaulay Culkin. This was the film that wrecked his career. He has one more film this year and two 1994 films then a long hiatus and he really doesn’t work now, instead living happily with his beautiful partner and their two children. He’s happy. This film is bad.
The Program: This was an at least decent performing film at the time but does anyone recall it. College Football weirdly never leads to the hit films you’d think it would.
Warlock: The Armageddon: Trimark had to choose between this and Return of the Living Dead 3. I love Anthony Hickox. Warlock launched Trimark. But nobody remembers this. The barely released ROTLD3 is iconic in horror circles. Bad call.

September 29: A Bronx Tale: You know who had a good 1993? Robert De Niro. He made his directing debut on a script from his costar, the great Chazz Palminteri. The film is very much a personal film to the writer and oozes passion from both men. It’s lovely.

In the final analysis, yeah this is a rough ride. A few gems, but the chaff of the year is here. Next time though, get ready. We’re facing some classics.

The Movies of 1993: April-June

Jurassic Park…is one of the last films I’ll cover this entry. But it feels like the only important movie this time. It overshadows everything else. And that’s unfair even if it is what it is. In fact there’s at least a few other movies I think are almost as important. A lot of hidden gems this week. Let’s dig in.

April 2: The Adventures of Huck Finn: One entry in and we’re at a major underloved film. So before I get to the great, let me concede this softpedals the book and makes it less satirical and more innocent. It also fixes the ending by stopping it at a logical place. This thing is top tier on every level. The cast includes Elijah Wood, Courtney B. Vance, Jason Robards, Robbie Coltrane, Judith Ivey, Anne Heche, and a nightmare turn by Ron Perlman. It’s gorgeously shot by Janusz Kaminski just as he linked with Spielberg. The score is great. It’s phenomenal.
Cop and 1/2: Can I just say Norman D. Golden II is the nicest guy on Twitter and be done? I’ve had many talks with him. He’s a funny, upbeat, lovely soul. Seriously follow him.
The Crush: Is this the best erotic thriller of the year? We’re screwed that it is. It’s fun though. What a cast.
Jack the Bear: I love Danny DeVito but this movie with an evil Nazi subplot is weird.

April 7: Indecent Proposal. One of the biggest movies of the year. I should have a lot to say about it. Only this. Why did this cast make this? It’s bad. Robert Redford was in All The President’s Men! Ugh.
The Sandlot: I kinda like this movie. It’s messy. But sweet. Not much more to say. It’s a shaggy dog film.

April 9: Sidekicks: CHUCK NORRIS…really has a despicable ego to make this weird ass film. It’s not exactly bad but it’s a lost Cannon film. It’s just so vain. Chuck Norris sucked. Couldn’t act. Right wing. And apparently the loveliest guy on sets if you read interviews. I’ll be fair. Nobody has an ill word.
This Boy’s Life: Leonardo DiCaprio really broke fast. We’re 4 years from Titanic and he made a film this good this early. It’s him against De Niro and he matches him. Really strong film. I saw it a lot on HBO.

April 16: Benny & Joon: I’m going to remember other films I have to discuss to not get furious about this one. It’s pure “isn’t mental illness quirky?” No it isn’t.
Boiling Point: Wesley Snipes had exactly the career he deserved. He was a handsome leading man with impeccable comic timing who was kind of the b-level Denzel Washington, though Washington had yet to establish he was the greatest action star of his age. This is a fun little b-movie. Not amazing but a great cast.

April 23: The Dark Half: George Romero! Stephen King! A great book! The first Alan Pangborn of the year (Michael Rooker!) and the WAY BETTER movie. This rules. Pulpy fun. Fun trivia: This links to the other Alan Pangborn movie as Amy Madigan, who plays the wife here, is the longtime wife of other Alan Ed Harris.
Indian Summer: I never bothered. Sam Raimi acts in this though. That’s cool.
Who’s the Man; Also skipped but Roger Ebert really liked it.

April 30: Three of Hearts: I love how Hollywood treated homosexuality at this moment. It exists. But can’t we straight it up? It’s sad.

May
May 7: Dave: Remember how I said this was a bad comedy year? Forget that this weekend. Two perfect ones hit. First is this. And I… look everything about this is perfect. Great cast including a never better Kevin Kline. Great script. Great direction. This is the best film Frank Capra never made.
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story: The final Brucesploitation film. This is such bs. Like biopics shouldn’t have video game tie-ins. It’s not bad. I’m jumping on.
Much Ado About Nothing: There are movies you watch in high school that bore the hell out of you. Then there are movies that make you get why a writer is revered. Goddamn do I love this movie. The defining take on the play is a marvel with a cast including writer/director Kenneth Branagh, Emma Thompson, Michael Keaton, an underrated Keanu Reeves who actually tears into a rare villain role, and Denzel Washington who is only there to confirm he was one of the suavest men ever. The movie nails why this is the ultimate romcom. What a blast.

May 14: Lost in Yonkers: It’s wild going from the eternal Shakespeare who is, you know, really that great to Neil Simon who was over when this hit. Had to be there. I wasn’t.
Posse: I like the idea of Mario Van Peebles’ filmography more than the work. He wasn’t good at finding scripts.

May 21: Carnosaur: I respect the grift. I think it’s funny John Brosnan has a story credit while the novel it’s based on was credited to Harry Adam Knight, a pseudonym that meant HAK while the actual writer WAS Brosnan. The movie sucks though. Really sucks.
Hot Shots: Part Deux: It’s cute. Next.
Sliver: It’s funny this was treated as the death of the erotic thriller. It did great. But I haven’t seen it. Nobody I know has.

Ma 26: Menace II Society: I’m saying nothing here. It had acclaim. It has fans. I know too little to speak.

May 28: Cliffhanger: I’m kinda only so-so here. Honestly I think Stallone was a great actor but a nothing action star. He could give such rich work as a broken person but as a brick nothing. He’s not interesting here. :smiles: It’s 1993. We will get to what he could do.
Happily Ever After: Time to address a giant elephant in the room. There was no official Disney animated film this year. The void was poorly filled. This long delayed Snow White take is ass.
Made in America: I really hate this movie. It wimps out of its premise. It’s lazy. Bad. Gross.
Super Mario Bros.: A lot of you are trying to redeem this movie. Stop. It’s unwatchable. I can’t even get through the Rifftrax! It’s so bad. YES the 2023 movie is better. This movie not only hates the games, it hates us. It’s miserable and depressing and ugly. Ugh.

June
June 4: Guilty as Sin: Sidney Lumet directs a Larry Cohen script starring Don Johnson. Why is this so dull?
Life With Mikey: Marc Lawrence wrote this? Oh that makes sense. I love Music and Lyrics. This is really good. Great performances from Michael J. Fox, Nathan Lane, Cyndi Lauper, and David Krumholtz whose career spans from this to the Harold and Kumar trilogy to Oppenheimer. Good film!

June 9: What’s Love Got To Do With It? Earlier I noted a Courtney B. Vance film. Now to spotlight the woman he will always be known as the biggest fan alive of, his wife Angela Bassett. She should’ve won the Oscar for this, one of the truly great biopics. Excellent, thoughtful film.

June 11: Jurassic Park: :smiles: Look, I don’t need to explain why this is the year’s best film. Ok, maybe I do. It’s not “important” but it is genius on every level. Spielberg was wounded walking into this after Hook. He needed to show how great he was. The result is a rockstar film. Spielberg pulls his best work ever in a genre film. He gave us the best dinosaurs ever. He did it with a marvelous cast. He had a killer script. And then John Williams did that score. Jurassic Park was heavily hyped but that doesn’t earn you endless rewatches. Being a delirious experience of suspense and satire at once makes it just a genius motion picture. Jurassic Park: Damn straight it’s that good.

June 18: Last Action Hero: I have no clue. Like I think there’s enough great here to say see it. But man is this studio notes the movie. It’s nothing but what should work. There’s a great William Goldman speech that so does not fit here. It’s just nobody’s vision. And the week before we had pure Spielberg driving everyone to follow him at his best. I get why one hit and the other didn’t.
Once Upon a Forest: You know what’s sad about the non-Disney animated movies? Nobody even came close. This was nothing. Most notable thing I see in the cast: Child actress Elisabeth Moss as one of the characters. She was weirdly prolific 15 years before Mad Men…

June 25: Dennis the Menace: First on a thankfully short list of movies I watched a lot as a kid and apologize to my parents for. I hate this now. On the day I write this, I took Lola to Elemental. That was a good movie! This was brutality for no reason.
Sleepless in Seattle: Hot Take: This is as important as Jurassic Park. This gave Tom Hanks the next 20 years of his career. It’s great. A romantic comedy about the genre that fundamentally rolls its eyes at it. I’ll remind you, the director was married to the writer of Goodfellas. Nora Ephron was deliciously cynical. Even touches like Bill Pullman as the most boring guy alive when he’s a charming leading man read as satire. I love this movie. I chase it.

June 30: The Firm. We end on Tom Cruise as a movie star. Well some things don’t change. This is…fine? I don’t know. It’s too slick to care about.

Next time: Even when we hit the bad times, we hit so many classics.