It’s been five years since I got the call, thankfully from my father, that I would never see you again. Five years since I’ve seen you last. Five years of trying to deal with that day.
I went to your funeral. It wasn’t easy for me but I wanted to be in that room with you one last time. I saw you. I mean I didn’t really see you. I saw what held you. I was there though.
Then for about 3 months I couldn’t function. I feel bad about it but for most of the fall of 2014, I cried. My weekends were so hard as I just cried and cried and cried. I couldn’t go home. At one point I was outright scared to be home alone without Amanda. I was so broken.
I recovered but at about the one year anniversary, I broke again. That’s how grief goes. It becomes real then. I couldn’t function again for a bit.
And then it stopped. After the conviction and implausible sentence of your killer, I started letting go. I moved on. I had new things to cope with. But I never forgot you.
Lauren, I want to tell you what you missed. You missed so many movies. So much gossip. So much fun. You missed parties. You missed the arcade expanding. You missed Hastings dying. And most importantly you missed Lola. Yes, Amanda did indeed get pregnant. She had a beautiful, perfect, funny little girl.
I miss that we don’t get new memories. But I cherish what we have. Seeing Scott Pilgrim. Hanging at our houses. the conventions. Newspaper. We were lucky we had each other.
Lauren I miss you. And I will always love you.