The Domino Effect: Where Am I 12/19

So, it’s been a very, very long month and I feel like a post is due on what’s going on as well as a bit of housekeeping.

First off, Diary of an Autistic Father is going to a monthly rather than weekly schedule. There has been a slip and that’s in no small part because I’m repeating myself. So as of 1/8, it’s going monthly so I can give you better entries. I also have a bit less time right now as Lola is teething and napping less.

As for where I am? I’ve had a rough month. I’ll be blunt: The election took it out of me. I’ve had nightmares about it and an intense level of frustration. I’m worried and I feel powerless because I am. I’ve never had world events affect me as badly as this is impacting me, likely because I’m triggered by flashbacks to seeing people who hurt others get away with it.

This has left me anxious. When you’re anxious because of something you can’t control, you try to control what you can in your life. I’ve rarely been quite as fixated on money as I have been of late. I’ve had those moments where I was obsessed with numbers in my head. I’ve tried to be on top of everything. I can’t be.

I’ve also been exhausted. When you’re anxious you don’t sleep well so you perpetually need sleep but don’t get it. Instead you lurch around. Caffeine consumption has been up big time.

Since I’m exhausted, outside of my job and caring for Lola, I’ve been frustratingly unproductive. I haven’t blogged like I’d like. I haven’t watched nearly as many movies as I’ve wanted to since I haven’t had the attention span. I started a script which is in a solid place to continue but again, no will. I haven’t even had the energy to watch a few of the DTV movies I like which are barely over an hour.

So what have I been up to? A lot of playing with Lola of course. I’ve spent most of my time before work caring for my daughter. I’ve been reading too and I may yet get a piece or two up on the tie-ins I’ve read. I’ve been playing a lot with Google Street View VR. That’s exciting.

I’m trying to deal with me. I don’t know how that’s going to go but I stress: I’m trying. We’ll see where I wind up.

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