Diary of an Autistic Father: 6 months in

6 months ago…

I was tired. I had no sleep the night before. I was cranky. I was frustrated. We kept waiting all day for things to happen and they wouldn’t. Then they finally did. And she was here. 

Today marks 6 months since Lola Faye Shinn entered my life. It’s been a full half a year. What a wild thought. She’s gone from a seed to a rising person. She’s officially here to stay. 

It’s been a rather epic 6 months honestly. I’ve had a lot to learn very fast. Lola keeps me on my toes in that way. Being a dad truly is a learn as you go job. 

I do feel undeniably that I’m stronger as a person for having learned these things. I’ve been forced to grow up to a certain degree and I cherish that. I’m a better man for it. Things that I cared so much about I care less about now. 

But some of my issues are still in place. I’m going to worry about money until I die. I’m going to worry about Amanda until I die. I’ll now worry about Lola the same way. 

What I’ve learned in this time is what I can do to achieve victory. Not much. I can take my pills. I can repeat mantras. But it’s just enough. 

Because being a father is a powerful thing. It forces you to have a new top priority. Your worries are bad but you have a child so she’s first. Lola will always dominate for me no matter what.

She rewards me by being the simplest joy in my life. She’s a pure, innocent soul I can be with. All she does gives me life. She surprises me. She amazes me. 

What amazes me the most is watching her grow. Every day she does more than the day before. She’s livelier. She crawls. Her noises sound like speech. My baby girl is coming alive. And I can’t wait to see it. 

In the weeks to come she has her first Christmas. After that, who knows. But in 6 months I’ll be back here. For now I’ll enjoy being here. 

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