Diary of an Autistic Father: Week Seven

Lola is cute.  

 

This is something I know as her father. She’s adorable to me as I watch her little face react to everything. Her expressions, particularly her ever present scowl, slay me. I find her a gift to watch at every moment. 

But what of others? Do they find her cute. This week I took her out a few times and got a hard answer as a result of carefully studying their reactions. The answer based on this sample: Lola is cute. 

Watching her at the dentist particularly proved that. Amanda had work done so I watched her in the waiting room. As people came and went, Lola drew immense attention. Everybody had to ask her name, age, and weight. They cooed over her tiny little face. Even when she got upset, she was still well liked.

The next day the routine was repeated at the outlet mall. At the bookstore she was studied like the books inside. At Hot Topic, the managers all demanded to look at her. At the candy store, she was so popular my inability to move her stroller through the store was overlooked. 

So yes. Lola is very cute. Her popularity makes it official. 

The way others react to Lola has a real impact on me. It’s a wonderful feeling. Something that is connected to me pleases others. And yes, I am proud of her. She’s a beautiful child and I’m glad others see that. There’s so much dark right now so I feel happy I’m countering that. Lola gives people a charge they need. 

The hard truth though is she won’t stay this way forever. Lola is in the miracle phase of life. She’s a truly newborn baby. But that’s a fleeting thing that will end. There will come many times nobody notices her. 

What then of me? How will I view her? Will I be less impressed?

I have a third story. Yesterday I chatted with a clerk at Office Depot. We talked about our children. Mine is new. His are adults. But as I heard him talk, it was with a foaming joy about them. He thought his kids were amazing. Admittedly they sounded like it with one a prosecutor and one an actor. But I got the impression they didn’t have to do anything with their lives. They were his and he was proud. 

I have hope that I’ll be in his position. Lola Faye is mine. I will always be proud of her. 

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