Six Months Later

In grief, six months is a powerful mark to pass. 6 months is half a year. It’s a nice long period of time. Much can happen. Relationships often die before this mark. School years are 2/3 over. It’s a true, sizable chunk of time. No wonder for the mourning it’s one of their darkest days.

I come to this point today sadly. Lauren Dunn has been gone for six months. Initally I didn’t want to write on this moment. I truly have said all I can say on her, which is satisfying. Yet I find myself in the same room I escaped to in the darkest depths to try to convey my feelings on this moment anyway.

Why? Well, I’m not “done” for starters. I never will be but I’m definitely not now. I still constantly want to call her. I see news every day that triggers thoughts of my friend. I see movies constantly that I wish she’d seen. I miss her horribly. I’m nearing my birthday and she can’t celebrate with me. Lauren was always great for that, you see. Amanda’s was a blast in no small part due to her.

But there’s another reason. At six months, the new normal has set in. I’ve lived with the crippling, violent depression for six months. It comes and goes. It’s never gotten that dark after the first month though. But I can see some progress in my life. I can go home on the weekends when I was scared to in the depths. I can think about the future now. Small steps.

And I’m glad to take this moment for another reason. I miss her. I have my memories though. Maybe that should be our goal today. Not to mourn her death. To celebrate her life once more. Those of us who knew Lauren loved her deeply. How lucky were we to know such a fine soul.

So today, my heart is heavy. I’ve cried already. I will again. But I’ll be happy too. I was blessed to know my dear friend. My life is better for this fact.

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